Relationship Realness #3: Poetic Bliss
Royal Integrity's Kayssie K gives us the third poetic chapter from her series which captures a personal journey of self-destruction, self-hatred and redemption. We follow the story of first love, and how, by accident, a boy taught a writer to love and respect herself. Although, he probably regretted that choice afterwards... Each entry will feature original diary entries written during the relationship, and to understand each piece better, check out the author's note.
Words by Kayssie K.
Today was going to be the death of us. I was starting to question why I keep battling myself to keep you along with the twenty other demons against me. I've been looking for a reason to leave. Just one reason to turn around and walk home. Then next time we meet, I'd have my goodbye spoken, word learnt, written and ready to break a heart.
But the moment my eyes met yours,
I forgot today's reason.
I forgot the demons .
I forgot the pain.
I forgot that I've been crying for the past week non-stop.
I forgot that my heart was breaking.
All along, I was looking for a cure and completely abandoned my relief; you.
I came here looking for clarity,
But I found relief.
Now I understand why I stay,
Because in the midst of the storm,
You're my anchor.
You hold my hand,
And you tell me how weird I am,
And make me laugh.
You don't lie to me,
You tell me as it is.
And I think you're the one...
We understand our differences
and no one gets it but us...
When I'm scared you tell me to get my ass up and fight.
You stay the same,
You love me ,
You never pressure me.
"I heard a fly buzz when I died;
The stillness round my form
Was like the stillness in the air
Between the heaves of storm"
This diary entry is a testimony of how he saved my life. I was grieving and trying to find new hope. For months, I had been a walking zombie, craving for that moment to feel alive even if that meant feeling pain. I was so ready to give up. He was that buzzed when I died, reminding me I was still alive and I could feel. He helped me endure.
It’s not everyday that your saviour is a hero, and they aren’t always charming either. My salvation came in everything I had never wanted but everything I never knew I needed, cradling my life in his arms just as fragile as it was. Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in the bitter and the unforgivable that you forget the good. I believe that to truly let go, is to be grateful and never regret. That is how you keep moving forward and learn.